Jaeleen Bennis, Author at Bondassage for Couples

Cherish O’Riley ~ Las Vegas, NV

April 13, 2018 By Jaeleen Bennis

Cherish O’Riley offers Bondassage For Couples coaching in Las Vegas.

For more information, please contact her at CherishORiley@Protonmail.com

Oops, I Forgot The Safeword by Eve Minax

March 7, 2016 By Jaeleen Bennis

Oops, I Forgot the Safe Word!
by Eve Minax

This week’s column discusses negotiation and safety, but not in the classic sense, sorry. We’re gonna wrangle that concept right into submission, then prop it back up into its previous complex state … shall we proceed?

In the realm of BDSM and kink play, Safe, sane and consensual rests as the buzz phrase to encourage newcomers to join (we’re safe!), illicit normalcy (we’re not crazy!), and utilize tactics to insure we’re all in this together (we all agreed it was ok … right?).

Let’s look at our phrase a little more closely. Safe: I will never hurt you physically or mentally. Sane: I’m not certifiable, I promise! Consensual: I will only do to you what we have previously agreed upon or what I know you like.

Sounds easy, right? Not so fast … how does one maintain a long term status of being “safe, sane, and consensual”? Well, mostly through referrals based on their humanity and appropriate observance of safe words. “Safe words” are often used to confirm “consensuality” but they are also often used as tactics in a covert war of passive aggressivity. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE safewords. Safewords used well are great indicators of limits that can tell you in a moment without dropping scene where your bottom is at. And as a top, you can ease off, toy with that limit for a bit, or push it, depending on the bottom and their psychological and physical state.

Awesome, you say, let’s run out and do a gang rape scene with a safe word – careful there. Many people have little emotional land mines of psychic waste that may emerge only in scene. Something may come up for them or for you that you never expected. More often than not, in play, psychic waste can be triggered by the simplest of phrases, (I know a woman who cannot be called “baby” in scene), causing the triggered person to become overwhelmed and often distressed to the point that only years of therapy can help.

Noticing when you are pushing your bottom to the point of their safe word, even if they do not call it requires being present and fully observant of your bottom, because guess what? Due to stoicism, ignorance, (thinking you want them to “take it’), or endorphins flying so high they don’t feel the over extension of their boundaries, they will not always use their safe word and oh yes, someone will probably get hurt.

Does this mean “playing” (what a fun term), is better off when done “safely”… ok honey, I will just pat your ass and call you kitten … No. Playing will always push someone’s boundaries at some point. Talking/negotiating is paramount, whether it’s for 10 mins or an hour, start somewhere and establish a safe word. Compassion comes in handy for both the top and the bottom to forgive any unintentional misdeeds. You must be able to forgive yourself and forgive the other.

And finally, are you committed to continuing the play? Be honest.

But first a word from our sponsor … I have a gazilion years of experience and I still fuck up. Yes, once in a blue moon or every 14 years I fuck up. I recently had a little mishap where I called a player out on a rape fantasy. Too real. He lost his trust in me in the moment and called his safe word. No worries, we resolved the scene and scheduled another time to play.

We are special people (the naked horned beast’s), chosen ones. We know what it’s like to be abused and therefore we abuse no one. My personal favorites are the ones who know the fine line. I like to take and kidnap them through seduction or coersion, it doesn’t matter …

Clothes off, wallet or purse locked tight in a safe or better yet, thrown away … all their own doing … they are mine to do with what I will. I like towering over my helpless “victim” tightly bound in bondage and squirming beneath me, afraid and defiant simultaneously. We know it’s a game and yet it seems so real. They are naked, exposed, and completely vulnerable to my vast array of whims. What will it be today? Shall I beat them with a sjambock until they beg for mercy? Shall I take them over my spanking horse, tightly bound, administer a hot soapy enema and rape their ass repeatedly, or perhaps I will apply electricals to their genitalia and watch them scream and squirm, wanting more and yet absolutely terrified at how far I can go, we can go together.

People are afraid of themselves at the end of the day.

Finally, I say, I can do all three, I can do whatever I want because, 1. We have a safe word or 2. We have no safeword.

My most recent “no safe word” subject and I have been playing for years. In fact, he is featured in some of my most masochistic videos. I have even been asked on numerous occasions how much negotiating was done prior to our play. None, I respond, his only limits are bodily fluids, which make me often taunt him with them anyhow ?

Ultimately, the safe word will not matter, because I have been cognizant of their psychic and physical space and I know what I’m doing – and so will you if you pay attention.

Bottom line: live and learn, live and learn.

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Domina, Presenter, and Kink Coach, Eve Minax delights in proliferating carnal knowledge. She acts as Lead Staff Instructor for the Cleo Dubois Academy of SM Arts since 2002 and has exercised her pedagogical skills at a variety of conferences around the United States. Minax is a certified Sex Educator (SFSI), Urban Tantrika, and Bondassage Practitioner. Among other distinctions she recently co-authored “Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Massage Tips For Lovers” with Jaeleen Bennis. Previously, she wrote a regular column and hosted a kinky video program on Carnal Nation. Minax works consistently with SeriousBondage.com and self produces her own videos. Other studies include an MA in Cultural Studies focusing on Sexuality, NLP, NVC, DBT and she speaks French fluently. Always exploring, Minax maintains a loving and extended leather family throughout the world. You may find more information on her websites: eveminax.com, mistressminax.com, and you can follow her on Twitter and on Facebook

10 Ways of Being a Great TOP! by Eve Minax

March 5, 2016 By Jaeleen Bennis

If you read last week’s blog, then you learned about how to be a great bottom. In honor of reciprocity and equal responsibility, this week’s blog will be on How to Be a Great Top! You will find the similarities astonishing.

Like the term “bottom” and “submissive” people conflate the terms “top” and “dominant” – which are distinguishable terms. The noun is a “Top” and the verb is “to top”. These are terms originally derived from gay male culture that connote a sexual positioning preference, generally meaning the one who is the giving partner (as opposed to bottom, see last week’s blog post), and for our purposes today indicates the person giving physical sexual/BDSM activity. A Dominant is more of a service-oriented directive position that may or may not be fully a Top. I, for example, am a little bit of a switch, and I am mostly Top and Primarily Dominant. For the sake of our discussion here, we will focus on the term and our meaning of Top.

The 10 ways that I have focused on are not necessarily in order of priority, although I have identified what I believe to be the logistical order of what needs to be in place for another aspect to occur and so forth. So, without further ado, here are 10 Ways of Being a Great Top!

Be Active/Assertive. I know, I know, this seems like a no brainer, especially given what I said above, but the reality is that some people who self identify as tops simply are not very assertive with the bottom. This is not to say that Tops should be scary, aggressive assholes, but that they need to show, at the very least through words, that they desire activity with the bottom. Actions also can speak louder than words, especially if there is overt consent.

Know What You Want. Sometimes Tops get so excited to be playing with fresh meat, they overlook the obvious, be sure you know what type of bottom you want to play with: a pet, a toy, a slave, a masochist, etc…or some combination thereof? Need to to learn more? Try reading “The Topping Book” by Dossie Easton.

Know your Limits. Tops need to know just how far they can go safely and readily without causing harm just as much as bottoms do. What if the bottom has more experience and you go to try one of the intense forms of play they desire, but cannot “go there”? The Top has every right to call their safe word and stop the scene.

Be Communicative/a Clear Negotiator. We use the term “negotiate” a LOT in BDSM, but you will not be able to negotiate without having the above qualities intact. Communication, whether through words or bodily expressions, is key to insuring a great play for all/both parties. Starting with a discussion around your and your bottom’s desires will help find parity, boundaries, and potentially deeper hotness. Continuing to communicate throughout the scene and following up will continue the dialogue and help create even more intimacy!

Be Present. After all of the above, you may be ready to start the play! Part of communicating and continuing negotiating without stopping scene is to be fully present and closely observe your bottom’s responses and reactions. If you are both new to play, you will want to go slowly enough for check ins but push enough to potentially hit a safe word. There’s no shame in hitting a safe word. It gives you both a compass from which to work. And not everyone plays exactly the same way all the time.

Be Consensual/Ethical. Consent is a term that is widely bandied about in BDSM, and it can be very difficult to determine where that edge of consent/non consent lies sometimes. Luckily, if you are fully engaging in the ongoing negotiation process with your bottom, it should be clear where you may bump up against their limits in healthy and sexy ways and where that edge of consent is simply “no”. NO means no, right now. So back off or stop whatever you’re doing when the safe word is called and move the scene into another direction. If the scene must be stopped, stop it.

Have a Sense of Humor/Be Compassionate. So the scene did not go as planned. You didn’t get what you thought you wanted or the bottom is not happy. Either way, shit happens. Find it within yourself to laugh at your faux pas (provided no one got unerotically hurt), and have compassion for yourself and your bottom. We are humans. We make mistakes. Admitting to the mistake and even having a bit of fun around it is so much more sexy than pretending nothing happened or haranguing yourself or your bottom for not doing what you wanted is not. Disclaimer: I am not advocating for abuse here. As I stated above, consent/non consent can be difficult to determine at times. Be honest and open in your communication. It will all work out!

Be Adventuresome/Change it up. Sure, I had to give you all kinds of warnings, before I then say: Push ahead! Take risks! Have Fun! The truth is, most bottoms do not want the same ol’ every time they play, and if they do, they are not playing with personal growth by bumping up against discomforts as much as they’re looking for a bit of fun. Know the difference and know how to continue to feed your creativity and enjoy the play. Change it up a bit!

Take Care of Yourself. You want your bottom in good health and, although healthy is a relative term, being the best you can be indicates that you know how to look after yourself and have more energy for others. Part of being a great Top means that you don’t act out of anger or fear, that you are in check with where your emotions lie for the most part and that your health is the best it can be and you insure your bottom is safe as well.

Find Community. Being kinky can be scary and being a Top can be isolating (we’re supposed to know it all!). You need to find resources in order to not feel lonely or isolated. BDSM has definitely exploded since the advent of the internet and the results of spreading the word that many other kinky people exist is comforting. However, I also suggest you seek out resources outside the inter-web. Staying online for cybersex or internet porn can lead to more isolation and disillusion around what real BDSM looks like. If you want to start online perhaps try a social site like fetlife.com or a politically groundbreaking site like http://makelovenotporn.com/. To go further, BDSM and kink classes may exist in your area, do a search for that! You may also be surprised to find a public place space that you can go to find like-minded people. Also, you can seek out professional assistance by working with a kink/BDSM coach or provider. Do your homework first and make sure they’re reputable. Finally, if you do require a kink aware professional in the realm of mental or psychological help please check out TASHRA.org or the NCSF.org website for professionals who are aware of, and possibly even practice, kink or BDSM.

Being a Top does not mean being a domineering tyrant. It’s a great way to practice your mental and physical BDSM skills while deepening connection with your bottom. It’s also a wonderful place to practice compassion for yourself and for others. Like any personal growth process, being open, honest, flexible, and communicative helps you better explore yourself as the beautiful “work in progress” you are – so that you will have the confidence to go out to the world and find others who will want to play with you and continue to grow!

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10 Ways Of Being A Great Bottom by Eve Minax

March 4, 2016 By Jaeleen Bennis

Oftentimes people conflate the terms “bottom” and “submissive” – to which I cringe because they are distinguishable. Today we will be discussing ten of the top ways of being a great bottom, specifically in Kink/BDSM. The noun is a “bottom and the verb is “to bottom”. A “bottom” is a term originally derived from gay male culture that connotes a sexual positioning preference, generally meaning the one who is the receptive partner, (as opposed to top which indicates the active partner, or switch suggesting giving and receiving), and for our purposes today indicates the person receiving physical activity from a top . A submissive is more of a service oriented position that may or may not be a bottom sexually. Sometimes people self identify as sexual submissives, meaning they don’t just receive, but that they also completely surrender, which can confuse the distinction between bottoming and submission. This is a complicated and ongoing debate that begs to be explored more more fully in a future post, but for the sake of our discussion here, we will focus on the term bottom.

1. Be receptive. I know, I know, this seems like a no brainer, especially given what I said above, but the reality is some people who self identify as bottoms, simply cannot relax into the scene. I realize it takes a lot of trust to allow another person to do scary and intimate things with you, but you need to be open to what they are offering in order to fall more deeply into a space that will lead you to surrender more deeply, (see above). Being able to receive physical input from the top is the minimum required to being a great bottom. Your mindset needs to be receptive to said input.

2. Know your desires. Knowing what you want is imperative to getting what you want. Sometimes you may not know exactly what your sexual desires are exactly, but you may know what you don’t want. Starting with what you don’t want can help you and your top better distinguish what you might like. Another way of determining what you may like is to look around the web to see if there are any images that particularly appeal to you or turn you on – or conversely turn you off. Reading, of course, will also give you lots of information to help you notice what excites or repulses you, or both! And finally, being able to notice fantasies or sexual thoughts that you’ve had can get to the core of your bottoming pleasure. Having some knowledge to share, whether it be inconclusive or not, will give your top enough information to help create a more powerful scene for you.

3. Know your limits. In addition to knowing your desires, knowing your limits can be very useful in discussing possibilities for more erotic PowerPlay. For example, if you know you like the idea of being restrained, but you are hesitant to be fully restrained or put in extreme bondage, you might be willing to wear light restraints which you can easily remove so that you may feel more trusting of your partner. Further knowing what you absolutely do not want, at least in the time being, can, like knowing your desires, lead the top to an understanding of how far to take you.

4. Be communicative. It goes without saying that if you know your desires and you know your limits, you will need to communicate them clearly to your top. Once again, if you are new to kink or not quite sure what your desires or what your limits are, at the very least communicating that information to the top will give them an idea around where you are at. Being honest in your communication will help the top start playing with you in a way that will ideally expand your horizons, excite your libido, and give you more self-knowledge around your erotic self.

5. Be present. Once you’ve communicated your desires and limits to the best of your abilities, you will probably get ready to play. The most important part of play that will lead you more deeply into your erotic self is to be present with the sensations and directions that you will be receiving during the scene. Some people like to “check out” during play, meaning they enjoy going into another space in their minds. It is not necessarily wrong to have a desire to go on a bit of a journey when receiving intense sensation. Even if you the kind of bottom who likes to take a bit of a time out while receiving sensation, it is invaluable to have a sense of where you are in play so that your limits may be honored.

6. Be responsive. If you are present and communicative, you will be able to respond to the sensations that you are receiving from the top, whether it be physical or verbal response. For example, you may be tied to a St. Andrews cross with a blindfold being whipped by the top and you may not be feeling very verbal. Even so, you can communicate what pleases you by moaning pleasurably or pushing your body outwards towards sensation instead of away from it. There are many ways to show to what extent you appreciate or are uncomfortable with the sensations and or directives you are receiving. Being stoic, unless directed to be so, will not be very useful in communicating desire.

7. Have a sense of humor / be compassionate. This may seem odd, but when you are playing with a new partner, or playing with new activities, or simply new to play, there will be times when things don’t work out the way you plan. The most useful approach during these times is to be able to laugh at the foibles of the human condition. This is not to say that if someone hurts you in a way that affects you negatively you need to laugh it off, on the contrary, being communicative around nonconsensual play is paramount to ongoing harmonious erotic power play. If however, every little mistake that is made either by you or the top creates rupture and displeasure, then maybe you need to look out where you can find a bit of ease in the situation. Having compassion for yourself will lead you to compassion for others’ mistakes.

8. Be adventuresome. One might think that if you are looking to bottom that you might be open to many different types of experiences but this is not necessarily true. I am not suggesting here that you must be open to every possible type of play that could come your way – that could be silly at least and dangerous at most. What I am suggesting is that if the top wants to try different types of play with you that you are unfamiliar with, but not adamantly opposed to, you may wish to experiment, just to see where it takes you. In other words have an explorer’s mind.

9. Take care of yourself. Whether it be physical or mental, being “healthy” is one of the most important things you can offer a top. Personally, I often balk at the term “healthy” since it can be so relative. Further, so much conflicting material exists out there suggesting what we need to do to be more healthy that it can lead to unwanted stress and adverse health. What I am suggesting here is that if you listen to yourself, and take care of your needs, then you will approach life and play with more aplomb. Being a bottom does not mean being a passive doormat. You need to be able to know where your power lies and where you give it over to your partner.

10. Find community. Being kinky can be scary. Not everyone lives in San Francisco, the alternative sex mecca of the world, so that means you need to find resources in order to not feel lonely or isolated. BDSM has definitely exploded since the advent of the internet and the results of spreading the word that many other kinky people exist is comforting. However, I also suggest you seek out resources outside the inter-web. Staying online for cybersex or internet porn can lead to more isolation and disillusion around what real BDSM looks like. If you want to start online perhaps try a social site like Fetlife or a politically groundbreaking site like MakeLoveNotPorn. To go further, BDSM and kink classes may exist in your area, do a search for that! You may also be surprised to find a public place space that you can go to find like-minded people. Also, you can seek out professional assistance by working with a kink/BDSM coach or provider. Do your homework first and make sure they’re reputable. Finally, if you do require a kink aware professional in the realm of mental or psychological help please check out TASHRA.org or the NCSF.org website for professionals who are aware of, and possibly even practice, kink or BDSM.

Once again, don’t forget being a bottom does not mean being a passive doormat. It’s a great opportunity to practice receptivity, self awareness, hot sexual exploration and having fun. Have some compassion for yourself and for others as you continue this journey into deeper connectivity, intimacy, and trust. Like any personal growth process, being open, honest, flexible, and communicative helps you better explore yourself as the beautiful “work in progress” you are – so that you will have the confidence to go out to the world and find others who will want to play with you and continue to grow. Bottoms up!

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Letting Go … The Ultimate Power

March 3, 2016 By Jaeleen Bennis

Ever wondered what it might be like to explore your sensual desires, to sexually surrender, to fully let go and give your power over to another?

Perhaps you have fantasized about how it would be to take the erotic power given to you by another? Whether you’re a novice or an experienced sexual explorer, combining light bondage, sensory deprivation, massage, and sensation play will not only bring you excitement and pleasure, it will also deepen trust and love in your relationship. We are delighted to be your guides on this journey of submission, exploration and pleasure, and we anticipate some life-changing experiences for you.

Sexual surrender is the ultimate power, and the incredibly sensual art of Bondassage is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced or even imagined.

To describe the awakenings it may stir, let’s take a closer look at the picture. If you are the receiver, it all starts with you removing your clothes, finding yourself naked and kneeling, a leather collar around your neck and padded cuffs locked onto your wrists and ankles. You gaze longingly into your partner’s eyes, they look at you with full acknowledgement of the power being exchanged, before your eyes are covered with a soft blindfold. Your partner, the giver, takes you, the receiver, gently over to a comfortable padded massage table (or bed), places headphones on your ears and allows you to sink deeply into your body as a selection of specially chosen erotic music plays through your headphones. You are then lightly secured, and your sensual erotic journey deepens …

As you surrender to the sensations and forget the outside world, you get taken to a place of exquisite enjoyment, a place where you can indulge your senses and embrace pleasure. Imagine warm hands working their way over your body … gently kneading, touching and stroking you all over. You find yourself deeply relaxing, and the depth of the relaxation permeates every part of your being. As you shed the stress and tension of the day, you drift into a new level of ecstasy. You’re safe, you’re happy, you’re in complete bliss. You emerge relaxed and energized, more deeply connected with your partner, ready to take on the world!

Are you ready to discover a world of blissful intensity and intimacy?

Delight your lover with the skills you’ll learn in our book, ‘Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Massage Tips For Lovers’.

Bondassage: Erotic Bondage Massage For The Ultimate Surrender

March 2, 2016 By Jaeleen Bennis

VISUALIZE YOUR LAST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE. WAS IT INTENSE AND EXCITING? DOES IT MAKE YOU TINGLE WITH DELIGHT AT THE MERE THOUGHT?

Even in the best relationships, sex can become routine. If yours has become as exciting as watching paint dry, it might be time to expand your repertoire. The following suggestions are based on our book – Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Massage Tips For Lovers, written by Jaeleen Bennis and Eve Minax.

“What the heck is Bondassage?”

Bondassage can be best described as full body erotic massage, combined with sensory deprivation, light restraint, rhythmic body percussion (slow luxurious flogging or spanking) and sensation play. The following are a few basic ingredients to spice up your session.

Temperature
No one can fully enjoy sex if they are physically uncomfortable and that’s why room temperature is key. A warm room around 75 degrees is preferred for maximum comfort.

Warm Massage Oil/Cream/Lotion
Warm the oil or cream by placing it a waterproof container of hot water. Word of caution: Do not microwave unless you want a melted mess on your hands.

Blindfolds
Sleep masks are relatively inexpensive. Consider the Mindfold Sleep and Relaxation Eye Mask, specifically designed so the user can keep their eyes open. Be mindful some people don’t realize how claustrophobic they are until they’re blindfolded, so please respect your partners boundaries.

Satin or silk pillowcase
The higher the thread count the better. Gently drape the pillowcase up your partner’s legs and in between the inner thighs. Slowly traipse the pillowcase over the belly and chest areas. The key is slow movements ~ as a matter of fact, the slower you go, the larger the reaction.

Comb
For dragging up the leg, around the belly and down the arms. Of course practically everyone appreciates a great scalp massage, so go for it.

Disposable vibrating electric toothbrush
Gently brush on and around the nipples. If you don’t want to use the electric variety a standard toothbrush will do. Consider varying between soft, medium and hard bristles for a little extra variety.

Spatula
Yes, the same one used for Saturday morning flapjacks can now be used to warm butt cheeks. For greater intensity focus on one cheek at time – start slow and gradually build. Just promise you’ll pick up another one for breakfast.

Mouthwash Breath Strips
Pop one in your mouth before suckling your lovers nipples. The cool menthol sensation will leave them wondering what the heck you’re using (plus your breath will be minty fresh). Another option is Altoids.

Gloves
Whether warm and woolly, satin, latex, or furry – use them as a tantalizing brush across your partners body.

For more information pick up the book.

Tickles and Prickles and Sighs ~ Sensation Play Tips From Bondassage

March 2, 2016 By Jaeleen Bennis

You’ve created a lovely sensual atmosphere, talked about safety, negotiated what you’re each comfortable with, and acclimated yourself with your sensation play tools.

Now start to play with some of the sensations these tools bring, using your skills and imagination!

There’s a lot to be said about the sensations your body receives once blindfolded. The following are some ideas on what to play with and then how to utilize some of them in scene to keep the flow…

HEAT
Wax (candle, paraffin, not beeswax – it gets too hot!)
Hot Water (use eyedropper)
Hot Breath
Warm Washcloth
The following are for external use only:
Cayenne Pepper
Ginger
Capsicum
Cinnamon Oil
Wasabi
Tiger Balm
Hand Warmers For Skiing

COLD
Ice
Ice Cups
Ice Cubes
Once again, external use only:
Polar Lotion/Icy Hot
Canned Air Spray
Menthol
Listerine or other mouth strips
Cinnamon Altoids for oral sex
Pearls
Chain
Knife (blunt side only please!)

SOFT
Fur, (mitts, bits from coats: rabbit, mink, ermine)
Feathers
Satin
Silk scarf
Paint brushes
Makeup brush
Silicone basting brushes
Artist’s brushes
Cotton swab
Flogger
Long Hair
Cornstarch (drop in plops)

SCRATCHY
Vampire gloves
(be careful about drawing blood unless single person use)
Wartenberg wheel
Wool
Forks
Bottle caps
Metal hair brushes
Whisks
Toothpicks
Combs
Fingernails
Gravel
Brush (bath brushes, hair brushes, paint brushes)
Pipecleaners
Loofah
Sponges
Dishwashing pad
Bath Gloves
Sandpaper
Emeryboard
Tingler (copper head massager)

SMOOTH
Leather
Suede
Chamois
Rubber sheeting
Neoprene
Liquid Latex
Glass, (made for body use)
Pyrex
Plastic
Metal, especially stainless steel
Smooth wood
Wax paper

PINCHY
Clothespins
Clips
Clamps
Biting
Pinching
Plastic Vise Grips
Alligator Clips
Pickle tongs
Practice chopsticks, (also good for percussion)

SUCTION
Snakebite kit
Sucking
Cupping Sets, (made for sensual use or acupuncture)

VIBRATION
Disposable Electric Toothbrushes
Vibrators:
Bullets
Rabbit
Hitachi Magic Wand: with attachments

PERCUSSION
Canes
Paddles
Hands ~ fists, open palms
Flogging
Rubber bands (stingy)
Studded paddle
Crops
Wooden spoons
Practice or regular chopsticks

SMELL
Essential Oils
Flowers
Pine Branches
Citrus (brightening)
Vanilla (sensual)
Cinnamon (exotic awakening)
Basil (clearing)
Patchouli (sensual)

TASTE
Needless to say, external use only:
Popsicles
Chocolate
Honey
Jam
Whipped Cream
Breath Mints
Flavored Lip Gloss

“Hot sex” substances may take up to 5 minutes for the effects of a given “dose” to be fully felt, so take your time about adding more. One dose is usually felt for about 20 minutes, but this can vary considerably from person to person and from product to product. Such substances applied to the scrotum are usually felt sooner and feel hotter than the same substance applied to the penis. Be careful about combining these substances with abrasion. Skin that has been scraped, such as by fingernails, will be considerably less able to tolerate such play.

It’s easy to add more of whatever substance you’re using, but it’s very difficult to remove what you’ve already applied. If you do have a “hot sex overdose”, you can usually wash it off by using cold running water and lots of soap. Applying large amounts of shampoo and then washing it off works especially well. Liberal amounts of witch hazel can also cool things down, as can generous amounts of petroleum jelly or an oil-based cream.

As you can see, “hot sex” is one of the more serious tricks, with a steeper learning curve than most. Starting lightly, like using cough drops or mints while performing oral, and if your partner enjoys that sensation perhaps moving onto a frugal application of menthol rub on the genitals, can add extraordinary sensations to your scene.

VIBRATORS

Try using a vibrator on various parts of your genitals ~ many guys enjoy the vibration on their penis (particularly on the underside just below the head if circumcised), their perineum, (the place between the shaft of the penis and the anus), and their anus. If it’s her vibrator you’re using, or if you want to use it on someone else later, cover it carefully with a condom, rubber glove, or plastic wrap, or put plastic wrap over the part of you that you’re stimulating.

Hold a vibrator against the base of his cock while performing fellatio. Take his penis into your mouth, then apply a vibrator to your cheek. Move the vibrator sensuously from one cheek to the other. Touch it to your lips. Apply it to the point of your chin. Turn your head so that the head of his penis makes a bulge in one of your cheeks and apply the vibrator to that bulge.

Touch a small, battery operated vibrator to the underside of your tongue during oral sex, thus turning your tongue into a vibrating sex toy.

Take a sip of champagne or a soft drink, hold it in your mouth, and insert his penis, (this can be very intense). Now touch a vibrator to your cheek and notice his reaction.

Put an ice cube (one with no sharp edges or corners) in your hand, and apply your hand to his well-lubricated penis. Now touch a vibrator to the base of his penis while you masturbate him.

Encircle the top of his scrotum with your thumb and forefinger. Squeeze this ring together until it’s snug and his testicles are “trapped” below it, then slowly pull down until the skin of his scrotum is pulled tight over his testicles. Now apply your vibrator to the tight-skinned sack.

Many men find wonderful surprises when a vibrator hums up against the frenulum, which is the inverted “V” area on the underneath side of the head of the penis. This is a “must try” for men who insist vibrators have no erotic effect on them.

Another exciting area for many women and men is from immediately behind the genitals to near the bottom of the spine. Many nerve endings here come alive during sexual arousal. As you slide your vibrator along this area, be careful not to move microorganisms from the anus to the vagina or to the penis. Another option is to vibrate through a small towel that remains stationary on the pelvic floor. Also, be cautious with vibrators on scrotums. With some types of vibrators, it might be very painful.

In your own erotic investigations, you may have found other exciting places. Play with them too. And don’t forget between the toes.

Good Vibrations Hug ~ Fully clothed and standing up, invite your lover to share a hug. Nestle your turned-on vibrator into a comfortable position between your pubic areas. Then hug for five minutes. Don’t let go. Don’t fall down. And make certain there aren’t any urgent appointments following this hug ~ you would probably be late.

Brush Off ~ A large soft brush can create a thrilling sensation. You can buy paint brushes from an art supply store, or makeup brushes or shaving brushes from the drugstore. The brush can be used for delightful teasing as well as to bring your partner to orgasm (use it without lube.) Hold her vaginal lips open with one hand and use the brush on the inside of her outer lips, on her inner lips (using both back and forth and up and down motions), and on her clit (top to bottom may work especially well).

Some women can orgasm by having a vibrator held firmly against the bottoms of their feet.

Try combining a vibrator with a vaginal speculum. Try inserting the speculum, opening it a bit, and holding a vibrator against the base. If that gets a promising reaction, you can try opening it a bit more, then a bit more, so you’re putting tension against the walls of the vagina. You may get a truly spectacular reaction.

Playing Chopsticks ~ combine a long, narrow, rigid implement such as a chopstick with a strong vibrator to vibrate into tiny little places, or to sharply localize the vibration to a larger place. Hold the chopstick loosely in one hand with its tip against the part you want to stimulate, then touch the vibrator to its base.

Variant On Bath Mitts ~ especially the ones with one smooth side and one textured side, are wonderful for slowly stimulating and soothing your partner’s skin. Some mitts have a little “pocket” designed for slipping a bar of soap in while showering. Placing a few marbles in that pocket can create a wonderful sensation.

The above tips and tricks are obviously only the tip of the iceberg. Your imagination is your best friend when it comes to erotic play.

Once you know how to use lubes, creams, and sharp things safely, you will be able to enjoy all that you and your partner can imagine together!